


off the table

by juniacx



Series: heaven sent you to me [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Song: off the table (Ariana Grande ft. The Weekend), lapslock, this was fr just dramatic writing practice LOL i forgot to say that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29834448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniacx/pseuds/juniacx
Summary: wonwoo regrets ever letting him go.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo & Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Series: heaven sent you to me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189025
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	off the table

**Author's Note:**

> barkbarkbark back to sad fics barkbark  
> why is the only thing in the wonhui tag cat fics LOL i cant tell you how many fics ive seen where they either get a cat, junhui or wonwoo adopt one w/o the other knowing, either one walks a cat and encounter the other, etc. LDSADKS idk i just found it funny

`will i ever love the same way again? `

`will i ever love somebody like the way i did you?`

it’s been a year and a half since their breakup. 

wonwoo can still feel junhui on his skin. he can still smell his fruity shampoo, can still hear his laughter. every passing second without junhui is just seconds wasted — what is wonwoo’s life without junhui anyway? 

he feels that junhui purposely left remnants of himself in wonwoo’s life — the sweaters he left behind in the closet, the earrings that he lost under the couch, the pictures still in their frames — all left there to taunt wonwoo. 

the grief of junhui’s absence comes in waves, grueling, stealing appetite and sleep alike. his scent remains in wonwoo’s lungs, choking the breath from his body and short-circuiting his mind. what was once whole is shattered and where once was joy is emptiness. with each passing day, wonwoo finds himself begging on his knees to any god who would listen, praying with tears running down his face.

the worst of it all is that wonwoo knows that he did this to himself.

it’s because of his selfishness that everything crumbled down. all because the cute sophomore in his major had a cute smile and puppy dog eyes that he couldn’t resist. because wonwoo couldn’t keep his hands to himself. 

wonwoo doesn’t have the right to regret cheating on junhui, and he doesn’t have the right to want him back either.

when junhui said his final goodbye, wonwoo scoffed in his face. with his whole being, wonwoo vehemently doubted that he meant it truly. they were meant to each other — destined, even. they’ve spent years at each other’s side, and junhui depended on him more than anything in the world. they were a pair, always have and always will be.

but wonwoo wouldn’t realize until three months after their breakup that it wasn’t junhui who needed him.

it was wonwoo who needed junhui. 

jeonghan cursed him out when he found out about the affair. junhui is jeonghan’s precious dongsaeng who he grew up with for years, so it’s not a surprise that jeonghan punched wonwoo so hard that his nose broke when he found out. with tears in his eyes, he yelled at wonwoo at the top of his lungs. he screamed that wonwoo would never find someone as good as junhui ever again and that he would regret everything that he had done. 

he was right. 

and as he watches junhui from across the room at seungcheol’s party, he thinks about it some more. there will be no one else in his life but junhui, and maybe that’s how it was meant to be. if wonwoo claims that their love is destiny, then maybe it is. maybe the heavens tested him with a shiny apple in the form of a tall, lean man and wonwoo took the bait, taking a bite of the apple without a second thought. if that’s true, maybe facing the rest of his life without junhui is his punishment. 

he throws his head back to downs a shot, his eyes glued to junhui and his beautiful smile. the poison in his hand is liquid courage, but even then he can’t bring himself to speak to junhui. but his head is screaming at him to move his feet because this may be the last time he will see junhui ever again. 

wonwoo watches worriedly as junhui makes his way towards the door. throwing his cup on the nearest table, wonwoo rushes to follow him out. he needs to speak to junhui. his life depends on it. 

“j-junhui,” wonwoo calls out softly in the hallway, steps behind junhui. the man in front of him stops slowly, his head turning a bit to hear him out. “junhui. can we talk? please, i-” he stumbles over his words for a moment, eyes glued to the ground. “i-i don’t know what’s going to happen to me i-if we go separate ways right now.” 

wonwoo puts his pride away to cowardly ask for just a few moments of junhui’s life. even if it's just five, ten minutes, wonwoo needs this — he’s frightened out of his mind about his future and what could happen to him if he continues to live like this. he’s scared of junhui and the complete, omniscient power he has over him.

junhui turns around painfully slowly, showing his gorgeous side profile. wonwoo is flushed red under his powerful gaze, eyes still on the ground out of fear. “wonwoo,” is the first thing he says. he feels like he’s going to melt at that moment, his whole body shaking. “is there anything to talk about?” 

“please,” wonwoo genuinely begs. it’s pathetic. “p-please, only for a few moments.”

junhui sighs. “look at me,” he whispers gently. 

wonwoo doesn’t want to. if he looks at junhui right now, he might cave in and start sobbing. “please, junhui. only for a few moments,” he echos, his voice shaky. “i don’t want to take up much of your time.”

“look at me.” 

“junhui—”

“look at me, goddammit!”

wonwoo has no choice but to look up, eyes catching onto junhui’s beautiful silver hair. he wills his eyes to keep his gaze there, not daring to look down, but he can’t help it and his eyes fall to the man’s gorgeous, deep, feline-like eyes. his whole body shakes uncontrollably as they make eye contact. “five minutes,” junhui starts, “we can talk for five minutes.”

wonwoo sighs in relief. five minutes. that’s all he needs.

  
  


the taxi drive back to wonwoo’s place is painfully slow; each turn the driver makes takes a year off of wonwoo’s life. junhui can’t even bear to sit next to him and settles for the front seat.

from the back, wonwoo observes. 

junhui looks so mature now, his sharp features set into his perfect frame. his shoulders are wider and he has a serious, yet easy-going aura that has wonwoo itching to draw nearer. he’s no longer a scrawny nobody from china like he was in elementary school. he’s junhui. beautiful, dangerous junhui. 

wonwoo feels like sobbing.

the younger watches slowly as junhui lets himself into his apartment like he owns it, confident that the code on the lock hasn’t changed. it scares wonwoo even more how much junhui fits in this scene. he stares at junhui’s back, trailing behind him into the apartment.

“junhui—“

“quickly, wonwoo.” his exasperated words are accompanied with a sigh, and it leaves silence between them. wonwoo stares at the ground, articulating the right words to say to junhui’s back, but his mind is blank again, and all he can think about is _junhui_ and _junhui in his apartment_. his home has returned to him, but he’s not here to stay. maybe this should be enough for him. if he’s learned anything from the past, he can’t be too greedy. 

impatient, junhui flips his body around to look at him. “won—“

“listen, junhui, i honestly don’t know what i’m supposed to do now that you’re not here.” the words fly out quicker than wonwoo can think about what he’s saying and he snaps his head up to stare right into junhui’s beautiful eyes. “i know i have no right to say this after what i did to you, but every moment i spend alive is wasted if it’s not with you. i feel so fucking useless everyday and i hate myself over and over again. there’s no other words to explain it — i need you more than anything.”

an uncomfortable silence fills the space between them. wonwoo didn’t know what he expected, what was junhui supposed to say to this? he doesn't have the right to miss him nor want him again. junhui is right in front of him, living and breathing, but he still feels so far away, distant. his fingers ache to hold junhui’s hands again, feel the warmth of his skilled pianist fingers.

junhui stares at him incredulously before laughing heartlessly. it shakes wonwoo to his core and completely embarrasses him. he looks even more like a fool than before. “and? what do you want me to do about it?”

“...what?”

“i mean,” junhui shoves his hands into the pockets of his trenchcoat, leaning back and forth on his heels. “you didn’t expect me to come running into your arms right now, right? i hope you didn’t think i’d hold you, say ‘i’m here now, it’s okay,’ or sing you to sleep?”

“i didn’t.” but, god, does he want that. he knows better than anyone that that would never happen again.

“right,” junhui replies, shaking his head slowly. “so what do you want me to do?”

“nothing,” wonwoo says quietly, eyes back on the ground. “nothing. i just…wanted you to know that i love you— _still_ love you.”

junhui covers his mouth with one hand, attempting to stifle a laugh but failing to. it’s humiliating and wonwoo’s bright cheeks are proof of that. “sure, okay,” he nods slowly, hand returning to the pocket of his trenchcoat. “well, you have a weird way of showing it. i didn’t know that cheating on me was a sign of affection.”

“jun—“

“now that i think about it, you didn’t say that you loved me at all. not once in the four years we were together.” he laughs some more, but the laugh is painful and choked. “maybe i should have expected this to end.”

wonwoo falls to his knees at that, grabbing his ex-lover by the feet. the sight of him on the ground, weeping, is pathetic, and he knows it. “junhui, i am so sorry for everything i’ve done over the past years. i stole your youth from you and broke your heart a thousand times over. i don’t deserve to love you, and i don’t expect you to love me back.” he places his forehead onto the toe of junhui’s shoes, spitting his words out like a sinner praying. “can't you tell how much i love you? can you not tell by the sound of my voice? can you not tell by the words that i speak to you? i’m am so in love with you that it scares me."

wonwoo looks up for a second and is met with junhui’s stoic and almost disgusted face staring back at him like he’s scum. wonwoo’s eyes widen, and he realizes that he is the one that broke the bright, loving junhui that he once knew. “stand up, you’re embarrassing yourself,” junhui says, crossing his arms over his chest like he was bored.

he scurries to stand to his feet, terrified of junhui’s gaze. “let me ask you this: did we ever even mean anything to you? be honest and don't even bother lying.” wonwoo opens his mouth to answer, but junhui continues. “i’ve heard enough lies from you anyway.”

wonwoo winces at the bite behind his words and takes a step back to give junhui some space. “you, genuinely, were— _are_ my world. ever since we first met. but i’m an asshole that thought so low of you. i took us for granted and…and i didn’t think it would be so easy to lose you, so—“ 

“so you cheated on me.”

“ _yes_.” he can only call it as it is: he cheated on junhui with his hoobae named mingyu. that’s the full truth, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t regret it every day of his life.

junhui nods slowly like he was pretending to understand wonwoo’s actions. “right. and here i was thinking that you cared for us, for me."

“i did! i do!” wonwoo doesn’t see the point in defending himself when he knows he’s in the wrong. everything he says sounds petulant, like excuses, when there is no explanation to justify his actions. “i care about you more than myself! i think about how you’re doing every second i breathe. hell, i blink and i think about you again, so don’t you dare say that i don’t care about you.”

the elder scoffs. “you say you care about me and that you cared for us, but it doesn’t make sense. why did you cheat on me then? if you love me this much, then why?” junhui looks hurt again, but he would never look more hurt than on the day they broke up. he waves his arms around fluidly like he always does, but very slowly and painfully. “was i just not enough for you? was that it? or was he young and fresh and i’m just _junhui?_ "

it goes silent again. why did wonwoo do it? he ruined a perfectly good relationship for a man he knew for a few months. so why did he do it?

even wonwoo doesn’t know.

“i-i don’t know. i just know that i was so incredibly foolish a—“

“you don’t know.”

the brokenness in junhui’s voice makes the dam behind wonwoo’s eyes collapse. fat, hot tears start streaming down his face uncontrollably. he doesn’t have the feeling his hands to wipe them away, so the tears just fall to the ground soundlessly.

junhui sighs, running a hand through his shining silver hair. months ago junhui might have comforted him, kissed his cheeks, and told him it was going to be alright. but now, it’s the silence that comforts him instead. “wonwoo, it’s getting late. is there anything else you wanted to say?” it’s silent still, and tears keep falling from wonwoo’s eyes. he wants to scream, tell junhui not to leave him, but he knows he can’t. he abandoned all rights to that a year ago. junhui takes a step closer menacingly, urgingly. “this might be your last chance to say something, you should make it count."

“i—“

an unfamiliar ringtone goes off, and he watches as junhui fumbles with his pocket to take out his phone. the sight of junhui’s eyes brightening at the caller’s name already has wonwoo trembling. he wishes that junhui would look at him with that warm, loving gaze like he did months ago. the thought sends butterflies to his stomach, but he bites his lip to stop himself from imagining the impossible. 

“hi, baby, what’s up?” junhui sings, and wonwoo feels like he’s just another wall in his apartment, invisible to junhui. the tone of his voice drips with love and adoration for the caller and it echos against wonwoo’s walls, mocking him. “i know, i know, i’ll be home soon, gimme a few mi—really? you said you were on a diet!” the chatter on the other side of the line gets louder, the caller defending themselves with rambles.

an airy, delighted chuckle escapes junhui’s lips and he nods happily. “alright, sure, i’ll pick it up on the way home, okay? yeah, okay, i love you, too.” he hangs up, smile still on his face when he puts his phone away. when he lifts his head back to wonwoo, his expression turns sour, as if wonwoo is wasting his precious time. “what did you want to say?”

wonwoo shakes his head. there’s nothing left to say anymore. “nothing. just...just get home safe.”

junhui doesn’t look convinced but nods anyway. “don’t try to find me from now on and consider this our last meeting, okay?” junhui walks past him carefully, hand on the doorknob. in front of the door, he stops before turning only slightly towards wonwoo. “take care of yourself, wonwoo. bye.”

wonwoo doesn’t watch him leave. he waits for the door to click closed instead, letting himself sob uncontrollably alone in his cold apartment, all remnants of junhui gone for good.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading follow me on [insta](https://www.instagram.com/juniacx/) and [twt](https://twitter.com/juniacx) lol


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